Monday Moustache: Macho, Macho Moustaches

The twenty-fifth post in a recurring segment on moustaches.

Today's moustache:

Image from Amazon.com; mustaches not for sale.

The Village People

Tragically, The Village People do not believe in allowing blogs to embed their amazing "YMCA" video. See it here on Youtube for the full Monday goodness.

The Village People is a disco group that combined their prowess at the Spelling Bee with home remedies  for Saturday Night Fever. They bring the funk, the noise, and the mustaches. And they gave us some of the best dance songs ever.

As you can see from their picture, the Village people was meant to show a diverse group of men: one of them does NOT have a moustache! Oh, yes, he's also an Indian Chief.


Like NSYNC, the Backstreet Boys, and all other boy bands, teenage girls flocked hopelessly to Village People shows to see them perform. Seriously... hopeless! Teenage girls, were barking up the wrong tree. But that was true for Lance Bass too. Teenage girls haven't changed that much.


That's probably not fair: it probably wasn't just the teenage girls chasing after the village people. Frankenstein usually gets chased BY The Village People... poor monster can't hang out with all the boys or do whatever he feels

Disco was popular with EVERYBODY. Especially the macho, macho men.

I've got to be a macho man.

Clowning Around (Part 2)

Third Strike is continuing its Public Awareness Campaign on The Dangers of Clowns. While many clowns are harmless, a growing number of clowns pose a public safety risk that must be mitigated immediately.

For security, consult this list should you see a clown, and remain vilgilant-- a clown may throw a pie at you, or it may try to cook you in one.



The Joker

You wouldn't think it to look at him, but this guy is actually very dangerous. Ok, maybe you would think that.



The Joker has come in several shapes and sizes, but he has always kept the same mental state: bat-shit crazy. Especially for Batman.



The Joker's Laughing Fish made poor Gorton's Fish Fillets



To quote the Trickster, "When super-villains want to scare each other, they tell Joker stories."

You never know his angle; he might gas a river and try to patent the laughing fish, or he might shoot your sidekick in the spine.

Classification: Avatar of Satan

Bozo the Clown

If you're watching Bozo the Clown some random afternoon, you have reached one of two places in life.

1. You're a 5 year old, and can expect to hang on to your virginity for another 35 years.

2. You've hit rock bottom, and have begun smoking carpet squares in the hope that leftover drugs have seeped into the fabric.

Nevertheless, he is still one of the best known clowns... and if he can compete with Teletubbies, he must have some sort of appeal.

Classification: Funny Clown

Pennywise

It had to be coming... IT. Stephen King's Spider/Shapeshifing Clown.

He's existed for centuries, and he gets woken up every time something really terrible happens. This time he was woken up by bad grammar on rally signs in Washington D.C.

He's hungry.

Classification: Avatar of Satan

John Wayne Gacy

Husband.

Clown.

Serial Killer.

Way to affirm the fear of clowns, Gacy.

Classification: Avatar of Satan

Rodeo Clowns

Rodeo Clowns exist to distract bulls from goring cowboys who have been unseated. They don't speak and hide in barrels for protetction from the raging animal.

Classification: Mime

Let's hope they can mime an ambulence ride to the hospital!

Shakes the Clown

Bad Santa, but with a clown.

Classification: Sad Clown

Matt McNamara

Spoiled son of a plastic surgeon becomes a street mime on Nip/Tuck. Then starts he starts robbing convenience stores.

Classification: Sad Clown & Mime

John Leguizamo: the Clown/Violator

He literally works for the Devil and torments Spawn.

Classification: Avatar of Satan

Insane Clown Posse

Rumor has it that these guys actually met each other at an Insane Asylum. They make some crazy music. Who knows what these guys are about?

Classification: ??????

Ronald McDonald

Ronald is probably the world's most identifiable clown. He's been teaching kids about the fun of fast food for decades, and is a proud spokesman of a company that produces foodlike products. Unfortunately he has had some health problems in recent times, leading to 23 heart attacks, 12 strokes, and a Super Sized blood clot. He now lives with an iron lung, an IV, and a daily diet of prescription McNuggets.

Classification: Sad Clown

Clowning Around (Part 1)

Coulrophobia. noun. An abnormal or exaggerated fear of clowns.

For some reason, a fear of monsters, aliens, Bob Sagat, or spiders is an acceptable phobia. A kid with a pet spider will usually almost end up accidentally killing Harry Potter. Get an owl, weirdo.

Me? Hell, I'm afraid of the Heat Death of the Universe and the Grey-Goo Apocalypse. Look 'em up, lazy.

But unlike evil creatures, arachnids, or galactic catastrophe, there is one group that is supposed to happily entertain us, and instead disturbs the crap out of people: clowns.

Clowns are supposed to be funny performers for children and adults alike. They can be found at the circus, carnivals, rodeos, and even at clown college.

"Balloon-Animals 101" is such a joke class. Wait... is every clown class a joke class..? And is "class clown" a redundant title at a clown college...? WTF ???

Clowns have been around since at least the middle ages, when they would entertain crowds before witch-burnings. Later, they adopted absurd outfits and white faces to hide out amongst English society.

Queen or clown? No one knows how to tell the difference...

At some unknown time following the Middle Ages, clowns divided into four different sects:

1. Funny Clowns

2. Sad Clowns

3. Mimes

4. Avatars of Satan

Third Strike is going to help clear up which clowns are safe and which kind you should avoid at all costs. When you are in doubt, it is safest to assume that any clown will try to eat you.

Krusty the Clown

Krusty is a television clown who drinks, smokes, and enjoys the company of prostitutes. He has a pacemaker and frequently struggles to cope with life--to the point that he has been known to abandon his career and identity completely. He has also been to jail and is an occasional target of assassination for his former partner Sideshow Bob. He has had trouble with the IRS and still has difficulty making wise fiscal decisions. Overall, despite his circumstances, Krusy is harmless.

Classification: Sad Clown

Evil Krusty Doll

This Krusty doll's switch was accidentally set to "Evil" by the manufacturer. Bart Simpson brought it home, and it tried to kill Homer Simpson.

This clown can attack with a butcher knife his size, but it has the appearance of the harmless TV clown. Underestimating this devilry will cost you dearly.

Classification: Avatar of Satan

Homer the Clown

Somebody obviously watches too much of The Simpsons on DVD.

Yes, Homer himself once trained as a clown. Then he was attacked by the mob.

Occasionally Homer can be a danger to those around him. But even then he is one funny guy. As a clown, he was no different.

Classification: Funny Clown

Homer's Clown Bed

Homer made Bart a clown bed.

Beds can't talk.

Classification: Mime

Sweet Dreams!

Pagliacci

"Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says 'But, doctor...I am Pagliacci.' "

-joke is an excerpt from Watchmen by Alan Moore.

Classification: Sad Clown

To Be Continued...

Public Speaking 101

There's not much I can say about this video that it doesn't say for itself. It's entirely too crazy and funny.





I will say that there is an *extra* laugh in that this Phil Davidson guy was a Sociology major. And has the Master's Degree in Communication.