Sunday, June 2, 2013

Game of Thrones: The Red Wedding

Friday, May 25, 2012

Happy Geek Pride Day! Live Long and Let the Force Prosper with You

Today is Geek Pride Day! A day where it is acceptable to show up to work dressed as Gandalf, curse out your coworkers in Klingon, and stock up on purple pants in preparation for an unexpected case of  "Hulking".

May the Force Live Long and Prosper with you All.

Celebrating Geek Pride, I pose a question to the world of nerdelicious fandom:

Jango Fett: Awesome, or Awful?

Jango Fett is the... father*... of Boba Fett, everyone's favorite bounty hunter.

*to be technically correct, Boba Fett is a perfect clone of Jango in the same manner that Hubert Farnsworth Jr is a clone of the Professor.
Clone, sometimes eaten by Brett Blob
Clone, sometimes eaten by the Sarlacc Pit

Like father, like son: we can only assume that they both share the same soft spot for disintegrating targets.

Jango Fett was introduced in the middle prequel, Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. This unfortunate placement in the timeline warrants immediate skepticism on just how awesome he is. After all, Jango Fett IS the clone that generated that still ridiculous movie title.

That being said, Jango Fett is probably one of the more bad-ass characters in the entirety of Episode I-III. Boba Fett's role in the original trilogy was notoriously mysterious and subtle, so Jango's role as the genetic foundation of the clones (and hence, all future Stormtroopers) binds his existence more fundamentally to the space opera's story arc. But maybe it was all just a tacky way to include a successful  merchandising product.

So which is it? Was Jango Fett a badass narrative predecessor to Jango Fett, or the "Poor Man's Boba"? Let's see how they do head to helmeted head:

Jango Fett vs. Boba Fett: Showdown

1. Character Introduction

Jango: Assassinates his own assassin to protect his secret identity.... but uses a rare dart that can be traced back to him to do it.
Boba: Technically introduced in the Star Wars Holiday Special, the lost Holy Grail of Star Wars collectibles. Later introduced in The Empire Strikes Back while being briefed by Darth Vader to hunt down Han Solo and crew.

Jango, what's with the middleman? Using a subcontractor was just asking for trouble. And while the Star Wars Holiday Special was notoriously awful, it's also mysterious.

Winner: Boba Fett

2. Awesomeness of Death

Jango: head cut off by Samuel L. Jackson, wielder of the only purple lightsaber in the galaxy.
Boba: accidentally kicked by Harrison Ford (still blind from his recovery from carbonite freezing) into the Sarlacc Pit to die a horrible death.  
Unless you read the Extended Universe.... but that's silly.

Sorry Bobba, but that death is the pits.

Winner: Jango Fett

3. Armor & Fashion Sense

Jango: wears shiny new armor; he clearly takes care of it, but he also can't be using it to its full potential
Boba: wears basically the armor, but with the obvious signs of heavy use. Armor was made to be used and useful.

As much as it's great to leave collectable Star Wars armor in its original packaging, it becomes even better when it's taken out for a spin into battle

Winner: Boba Fett

4. Vehicle

Jango: cloaking ship named "Slave 1"
Boba: cloaking ship named "Slave-1"

While we see more of the ship in deadly action when Jango is flying it, it's always the same stealthy craft

Winner: Tie

5. Fight Scenes

Jango: has an intense fight with Obi-Wan Kenobi, and then later with Mace Windu.
Boba: more active as a stalking bounty hunter, he provides some extra security and menace at Jabba's Palace.

Winner: Jango
Showdown Winner.... A TIE!!!

With Boba Fett being a clone of Jango Fett, they easily conflate into a guy with a  sweet helment, a blaster, and a jetpack. 

This is the real reason cloning humans isn't ethical: it ruins competition. Plus we'd need a Clone Pride Day next, and that's just silly.

Happy Geek Pride Day!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Monday Moustache: We're Dealing With a Moustache Over Here

This marks the fortieth post in a recurring segment on moustaches.

Today's (bad-ass) moustache:

Neil deGrasse Tyson

In case you've been living on the former planet known as Pluto, Neil Degrasse Tyson is a badass.

Tyson is both touted and defamed as the reason Pluto is not a planet at all anymore, because, you know, science. He claims he was simply the "getaway driver" in the crime of robbing Pluto its high esteem.

Neil stared the Roman God of Death in the face and did not blink. Hell, he probably told Pluto that it was spinning the wrong way, like he did with the Daily Show Earth (unnoticed for years and years).

Is it any surprise that "The World's Sexiest Astrophysicist" rocks a cosmically classy 'stache under his nose? Neil deGrasse Tyson puts the "bang" in the Big Bang.

The Internet swallowed Mr. Tyson and spit him out as a meme as well. It really has nothing to do with anything other than the hilarity of his gestures and respect for Isaac Newton.
This Black and White meme makes good use of Neil's moustache

The former pupil of Carl Sagan has truly blossomed. As a former collegiate wrestler he now tackles the mysteries of Dark Matter with the ferocity  he brought to the mat. He advocates for advancing science funding-- particularly for space exploration-- because if we don't continue on that frontier, as he would say, "then we're headed right back towards the cave." His recent opponents: the anti-scientific religious community, Bill O'Rielly, and ignorance as a whole.

As if that were not enough, Neil has given us one more heavenly gift: the gift of knowing "The Most
Astounding Fact About the Universe:

In time, the obviousness of the truth will be revealed: The Universe revolves around Neil deGrasse Tyson's moustache.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Third Strike Presents: Michael Bay Ruins Your Childhood, Part 1.

Yes, yes. Michael Bay is plotting to ruin our childhoods one classic nostalgia series at a time. That's old news. The "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle/Aliens" rage long ago subsided, replaced by the standard, lingering bad taste Michael Bay's signature has always produced.

...Old Bay Seasoning?

That's not all, of course. The most boring board game Mom ever packed for a summer road trip is getting its time on the silver screen too, courtesy of Hasbro... the creators of Transformers.

That's right! We still have Battleship to live through. Although it's technically not a Michael Bay film, you can tell by the trailer that the summer film is channeling his essence.
Expectations of Liam Neeson barking "I sunk your battleship, BITCH!" are at an all-time high.
Box Office.... HIT!

None of this is particularly new information. But what IS new is the recent er... discovery by Third Strike! After the Alien-Turtles film, Michael Bay will be moving on to another classic cartoon created to sell toys and make bundles of money from an ever-amnesic public.

Lucky for Third Strike, a promotional poster has leaked to the web. Behold, in all its glory!

A Michael Bay Film
Showing in 3D!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Lockout: The Movie

The online nerd world is counting out the early summer science fiction film Lockout, coming April 13th. I, for one, am going to see it for one reason alone: this sweet tattoo.

Points: outside face-teeth, outside of his normal teeth! Cool. I want to get this and show up for work on Monday.

Negative points: using "he's the best there is, but he's a loose cannon" in the trailer:

Come on. Lethal Weapon has already used those silly tag lines for four movies, and I'm getting too old for this shit.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Monday, February 27, 2012

Monday Moustache: Nothing Matters

This marks the thirty-ninth post in a recurring segment on moustaches.

Today's moustache:
Ambrose Bierce

"Bitter Bierce" wrote The Devil's Dictionary, a satirical take on all things human. Basically, the Earth: The Book for its day.
Bierce's motto was that "nothing matters."
...He was probably right. Later, folks.