Monday, April 11, 2011

Monday Moustache: Three Men and a Moustache

This marks the thirty-fourth post in a recurring segment on moustaches.

Today's moustache:

Tom Selleck

Get your in your DeLorean, set your flux-capacitor controls to 1987, and rev up to 88 miles-per hour.
The #1 movie of the year, when you arrive? Three Men and a Baby. The breakout star? Tom Selleck's moustache!

Tom Selleck is a well-known actor, as well as an NRA advocate... he strongly supports the 2nd Amendment. (The Right to Bear Moustaches)

Selleck has also starred in TV's Magnum P.I. and made several appearances on Friends. Few people know that he was the original actor cast as Indiana Jones, but was replaced by Han Solo just before filming. George Lucas was hesitant to use Harrison Ford for yet another movie.... I've got a bad feeling about that, George.

Recently Tom made a cameo as Liz Lemon's same-named mustache on 30 Rock.
Liz Lemon, sporting her moustache Tom Selleck

Recently, rumors have emerged that there will be a third installment to the Three Men and a... films. We can only hope that this one will be haunted by an urban legend as well.

Three Men... but only ONE moustache!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Ryan Reynolds May Actually Star in a Good Comic Book Movie

For those who don't live in a Fictional Universe, let me tell you: Green Lantern is one of the most visually stunning comics currently being published.. It's absolutely beautiful!

The series features heroes who can literally create "light constructs" of anything that comes to their mind, so long as they have the Will to do it. Or whatever, listed below.

The newly introduced Emotional Spectrum adds more complexity to the Green-based comic mythology. The existing organizations:

Green Lantern Corp: Powered by Will. Grace not required.
Red Lantern Corp: Powered by Rage. Mostly Windows Vista users.
Sinestro Corp (Yellow Lanterns): Powered by their ability to inspire Fear. E.g. Glenn Beck.
Blue Lantern Corp: Powered by Hope (and powerless without a Green Lantern) Obama needs a Green Lantern
Indigo Tribe: Powered by Compassion. Oprah.
Star Sapphires: Powered by Love. Comprised of mostly crazy ex-girlfriends.
Agent Orange: Just one lantern, Larfleeze, who is powered by his insatiable Greed

I know what you're thinking: what the hell is The Third Strike talking about? This is way too nerdy & complicated.

Basically, it's a bunch of colors attacking each other, okay??? It's awesome. It's visually intoxicating. It's like... a constant War of Rainbows.
From Fox's "When Rainbows Attack"

And now, Green Lantern going to be a movie, starring the best lantern of them all, Hal Jordan.

Ryan Reynolds will be playing Hal, and this won't be his first Super-powered rodeo. However, it MIGHT be his first good one.

So far it's been:
Blade Trinity, as a Vampire
X Men: Origins... Wolverine, as Deadpool
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, as a Male Nurse.

Although those films have been disappointing, fans are hoping that Ryan Reynolds (and the rest of the film) will pull through... and give his fans their brightest day.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Monday Moustache: Moustache Knows Best

This marks the thirty-third post in a recurring segment on moustaches.

Today's moustache:


That's right! HULK HOGAN, a man whose name is best spelled with caps! Actually, his name is Terry Gene Bollea. But that name sucks.

The Monday Moustache has had many champions in its ranks: Steve Prefontaine, Burt Reynolds, and the Crazy Moustache Guy who I assume is now the Governor of New York. But NONE of those heroes were the dominating force of an entirely phony sport. By "entirely phony" we mean that the competition is rigged... as opposed to NASCAR, where driving in ciricles is a sport. That's not fixed!

Anyways, we're fairly confident that the HULK could kick all of those other peoples' asses. Or at least pin them for a 3-count.

HULK HOGAN was born a mild-mannered child, who excelled in school and began a career as a tranquil physicist. Then, in a freak tanning bed accident, HULK was hit with a barrage of Gamma radiation and transformed into a raging, musclebound monster.

The madder HULK HOGAN gets, the greener he becomes
Wanting to put his new monster-ism to good use, HULK joined the most noble and distinguished industry to work in: professional wrestling.

HULK quickly found his way into the WWF, Vince McMahon's successful wrestling company. The WWF would later be renamed the WWE, after The Iron Sheik lost a cage match against a Giant Panda and surrendering the naming rights to the World Wildlife Federation. Who knew that Pandas could do an incapacitating Body Slam?

Hogan has drifted to other wrestling organizations throughout the years, but time has kept him tied to the WWE. Eventually, in his older age, HULK closelined his way into the second-most-noble industry in the United States: reality TV.

Hogan Knows Best introduced America to HULK's personal and family problems and (more optimistically) his moustache grooming habits. The show was cancelled after problems with his son's drunk driving & Hogan's marital infidelity, leading to the spin-off Brooke Knows Best, following HULK's hot daughter around. That show was cancelled too.

Best Logo EVER! Check out the moustache!

Still, Hogan has been a lucky man, all-in-all. He can thank the lucky horseshoe mustache that keeps growing under his nose for that good fortune. That... and Gamma radiation.

Some people think that HULK HOGAN is funny... Some people think of him as a relic from the 80's. Some people just can't take professional wrestlers seriously. Those people do not live in Minnesota, where they elected one as Governor. HULK HOGAN knows better than to listen to his critics. In fact, that kind of detraction makes him angry. You won't like him when he's angry...


Friday, April 1, 2011


The Third Strike has been nominated for the peak prize in journalistic awesomeness... THE PULITZER PRIZE. SERIOUSLY??? No, seriously?
The Pultizer Prize. I am not making this up.

How, you ask, did a humor blog get nominated? Was it our founding of  The First Church of the Third Strike,where we established ourselves as a church with the equal legal and tax protection?

Perhaps it was our coverage of WikiLeaks (and the upcoming documents revealing the incoming invasion of giant ants...) that brought us to the attention of the board.

Maybe it was our spotlight on the power of mustaches. Whatever it was, I don't know; I looked up the details  about the award this morning.

Apparently, anyone can be an "entrant" for the Pultizer prize; you simply need to be nominated. I'm still trying to figure out who nominated Third Strike. From there, a group of juries select "nominated finalists" who fall under the different categories of the award. Categories have evolved over time... for example, they no longer award the Putlizer for Telegraphic Reporting. You can read more details on Wikipedia.

Anyhow, apparently there at least two new categories this year: Creative-Fiction Blogging and Editorial Blog Writing. Guess which one Third Strike falls under?

Anyways, I'm utterly speechless; Third Strike is a tiny dot in the gargantuan blogging universe, and I appreciate all the support of my readers. Thank you all for inspiring me, and making this possible.
**April Fools**