The Girl You Take Home to Mother

Ladies and Gentlemen, a Third Strike original video! Well sort of... Amanda made this herself a while back.

I'm glad I have the honor of spreading her good reputation across the Internet. Judge us not by who we are, but by what we are not!

Disney Family Values Fail

What's wrong with this picture?


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I find it extremely funny that the song playing is "The Bare Necessities". Pandora must have unleashed Double Entendres on the world when she opened her box....




Shout-out to Sarah Chappel for noticing & sending this.

Monday Moustache

The eighth post in a recurring segment on moustaches.


Today's moustache:

Captain Hook

Captain Hook has the most infamous moustache in all of Neverland. While he is not hunting down Peter Pan and the Lost Boys, he is commanding his ship with its absolute authority.

 

Those are his opponents...



His moustache is no accident; most captains would be in jeopardy of a mutiny for repeatedly demonstrating an inability to hunt down and eliminate a group of pre-teens that dress up (for some reason) as various cuddly forest animals.

Make a power grab, Smee!

For that reason alone, Captain Hook is one tough cookie. Not because of his success, but his incredible ability to avoid responsibility for failure.

...still not intimidating.

Hook is not one to show restraint, either. He forced one of his disloyal pirates into a box and dropped scorpions inside. He is a master of fencing AND he has a bonus weapon for a hand. Meanwhile, the Lost Boys use non-lethal attack methods to defeat his boatload of pirates.



Lookie, Lookie, I got Hookied



His only successful murder so far has been: Rufio... Rufio... Rufio...

Perhaps the other pirates are superstitious about a guy whose last name is "Hook" ending up with a hook for a hand. What are the odds?

Good Form, Peter!

Captain Hook is stalked by a crocodile who ate his hand-- and has a hankering for the rest of him.

Lucky for Hook, the reptile also downed a ticking clock, providing him warning of impending doom.

Again, these traits seem to make Hook more trouble than he is worth. Hunted by crocodiles. Outfoxed by children, mermaids, and fairies. What does he have going for him?

He has the moustache. No one can bring themselves to question its authority.

Neverland... heed the 'stache.

Clap, if you believe in it! CLAP!

Daily Strike: Attack of the Giant Penguins

In the latest science news, the remains of a giant prehistoric penguin were recently found in Peru. This penguin was apparently TWICE the size of an Emperor Penguin.

And with a regal name like Emperor Penguin, those birds are clearly already the size of King Kong.

That would make these Penguins the size of Godzilla! Or at least the size of the Cloverfield Monster (who is probably  slightly smaller)

A Sneak Peak from the crossover Happy Feet/Cloverfield movie

RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Penguins have long been regarded as adorable creatures. But this is all part of their plans to overtake society and enslave the human race.

...and of course... to kill Batman.

Penguins should be considered armed...

...and dangerous.

Daily Strike: The Third Strike is Now a Church!

As many bloggers (to their horror) have learned, the city of Philadelphia has started taxing bloggers $300 for "making a profit". As this blogger can testify, the cost of this so-called "business license" is a substantial 30,000% of any earnings a blogger is probably going to be making.

Even though the Third Strike is based out of Washington D.C. and New York City, overreactive paranoia is clearly the appropriate response to the infringement of our writing liberties.

Therefore, the Third Strike is claiming tax-exempt status to avoid any future taxes. Hell, if Scientology and Mormonism get tax-exempt status, why can't Pastafarianism? Or a blogging community, for that matter?

The government isn't equiped to measure religious truth-- to do so would be violating First Amendment rights! Of course, so might taxing people for writing blogs. We're no Elena Kagans here.

Who cares if we don't have temples, followers, saviors, or dogma. We're working on it.

 And if the Third Strike believes that it should be worshiped, then dammit, we will not be denied!

We are now The First Church of the Third Strike!

Our first services will include the following:

1. Gay Marriages! For anyone who wants to be gay married in Virginia or New York, the Third Strike has you covered! Note: Marriages may not be recognized by state law.

2. Absolvement of Sins! Feeling guilty? Donate to the Third Strike, and we will forgive you for anything you've ever done. Again, the law might feel differently.

3. Baptism! Anyone who joins the Third Strike can have shower priveledges at our locations. The water from the apartments will eliminate any prenatal damage to your soul. Warning: you only get one. Water costs money, people!

4, Recommendations for Heaven! We can deliver this to you in writing. Send us your resume to assist our first draft.

5. Protection from Witchcraft! We personally guarantee that if you join The First Church of the Third Strike, no spells will land on you. For a donation, we can also deliver garlic amulets for protection from Vampires.

Lex Luthor's 5 Most Evil Moments

5 .Lex Luthor is the Villain of the Smallville story. And a terrible son!






4. Lex Luthor Interrupts ... with Evil. And he shuts down Lois Lane. That's just WRONG!






3. Lex Luthor Teaches the Most Evil Subject... MATHEMATICS!

2. Lex Luthor Kills Pretty Much Everybody





This is the trailer for the upcoming game DC Universe Online. It's pretty badass.




1. Lex Luthor Has Evil Hygiene



Damn. That IS evil.

Daily Strike: the Ball-Wash Parkway

Technically, this highway is the Baltimore-Washington Parkway, or the Balt.-Wash Pkwy. But three times a week for about a year, the commute up to Annapolis Junction, MD took me by this sign. At 7 AM and through bloodshot eyes, it sure as hell looks like the Ball-Wash Parkway.

...which would make the drivers on it Ball-Washers.
And that's exactly what I called those Maryland drivers.