Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Daily Strike: The Third Strike is Now a Church!

As many bloggers (to their horror) have learned, the city of Philadelphia has started taxing bloggers $300 for "making a profit". As this blogger can testify, the cost of this so-called "business license" is a substantial 30,000% of any earnings a blogger is probably going to be making.

Even though the Third Strike is based out of Washington D.C. and New York City, overreactive paranoia is clearly the appropriate response to the infringement of our writing liberties.

Therefore, the Third Strike is claiming tax-exempt status to avoid any future taxes. Hell, if Scientology and Mormonism get tax-exempt status, why can't Pastafarianism? Or a blogging community, for that matter?

The government isn't equiped to measure religious truth-- to do so would be violating First Amendment rights! Of course, so might taxing people for writing blogs. We're no Elena Kagans here.

Who cares if we don't have temples, followers, saviors, or dogma. We're working on it.

 And if the Third Strike believes that it should be worshiped, then dammit, we will not be denied!

We are now The First Church of the Third Strike!

Our first services will include the following:

1. Gay Marriages! For anyone who wants to be gay married in Virginia or New York, the Third Strike has you covered! Note: Marriages may not be recognized by state law.

2. Absolvement of Sins! Feeling guilty? Donate to the Third Strike, and we will forgive you for anything you've ever done. Again, the law might feel differently.

3. Baptism! Anyone who joins the Third Strike can have shower priveledges at our locations. The water from the apartments will eliminate any prenatal damage to your soul. Warning: you only get one. Water costs money, people!

4, Recommendations for Heaven! We can deliver this to you in writing. Send us your resume to assist our first draft.

5. Protection from Witchcraft! We personally guarantee that if you join The First Church of the Third Strike, no spells will land on you. For a donation, we can also deliver garlic amulets for protection from Vampires.


  1. So does your Protection from Witchcraft also protect me from Christine O'Donnell?

  2. The Third Strike has a policy to shield its members from the entire state of Delaware.

    That includes Joe Biden insurance and Christine O'Donnell restraining orders.

  3. I am a new worshiper! Hope you will visit our Church back at

    Happy Hump Day!

  4. Thank you! Co-author Amanda makes fun of me when I use coupons, but I have been known to use them on occasion. I'll be sure to check your blog :)