Monday Moustache: Sidekick 'Stache

The sixteenth post in a reccurring segment on moustaches.



Today's moustache:

Luigi


Not everyone can be number one.
Hell, sometimes you don't even get the bronze medal, let alone gold.

But just because it's not you on the awards pedestal... or your name on the building... doesn't mean that you don't provide an invaluable role to what goes on inside. I sound like my boss. FML.

By that token, Luigi might not have his name on (most) Mario games, but his presence creates something even greater than himself: Moustached Multiplayer.

Luigi is Mario's twin brother, and like his pudgy bro he also sports a fetching 'stache. While they're extremely similar, Luigi is known for being slightly taller, thinner, and gangrene...er.

Together, these two open up the option of plugging in that extra controller and having an adventure with a friend. It's a much happier world where we are not forced to play video games in a dark basement by ourselves.

Both the brothers fight their nemesis Bowser and his army of Goombas and Koopas, yet they still have time to play tennis. At the end of the day, it's older brother Mario who gets his name on the video-game packaging. See the Monday Moustache for (Super) Mario to see a list of his accolades for more moustache glory.

Are they so different, though?
Behold, the power of color rendering! Where once there was  Red and Brown, now there is GREEN and WHITE!

And it ain't easy being green.

Luigi is just as lovable as Mario, and he even appears to be in slightly better shape. He is a devoted brother, constantly assisting Mario with his princess-rescuing levels. Yet no matter the levelness of the stats, Luigi gets pigeonholed as a "sidekick" to the industrious Mario. Luigi only has one game to his name: Luigi's Mansion.  That game pertains of a haunted mansion where he had to work as a Ghostbuster. Granted, he gets a mansion to begin with, but c'mon. It's haunted.


Luigi's problem is obvious: he needs a better agent. Or maybe a publicist.

Team Perfect

One could argue that Mario & Luigi are a dynamic duo, and not the Batman & Robin kind (because let's face it, nobody wants to be a Robin).

But Mario & Luigi aren't quite like the quintessential duo, Peanut Butter & Jelly. Neither Peanut Butter nor Jelly pull a Diana Ross and act as the prima donna; there is no leader and no follower. Instead they act together in concert with perfect harmony. The same can't be said about Luigi; he goes where Mario tells him to go.



Luigi is a valiant and worthy creature, so I recommend to him this: keep working on the moustache. Mario has a fabulous, optimistic moustache, but he has not won the moustache race by a long shot. After all, Luigi had a green moustache at one point (see picture above). That's pretty rockin'.

We thought Luigi was Italian, like Mario, but in a pixilated version he clearly has green hair... is it possible? Could Luigi be Irish? Is his twin-brother actually from another mother?


Or does he have Moustache Gangrene?


Luigi's hair brown when 3 Dimensions, but that may be an extraordinary deception meant to fool us.

After all, Avatar was a good movie in 3-D.

Monday Moustache

The fourth post in a recurring segment on moustaches.

Today's moustache-- Special Labor Day Edition-- dedicated to the Working Man:

(Super) Mario

Mario is a sweet, hard working plumber with plenty of talent but terrible luck. Most plumbers don't get sucked down the pipes that they work on; then again, most plumbers can't shoot fireballs after walking through a flower patch.

Whether side-scrolling in 2 dimensions, or jumping atop Goombas in 3-D, this guy keeps setting the bar (and leaping over it) for devoted boyfriends.

 Or maybe just for devotion to plumbing, as it's kind of unclear if he's really dating Peach or Daisy. In either case, he's swimming through caves filled with Blooper squids to do his job. And then jumping through volcanoes. His on-the-job-accident insurance must be backbreaking.

But let's not stop there, and give full credit where credit is due-- this guy does it all!

He dodges barrels that an ape (for some reason named Donkey) throws at him.

He speeds down Kart Highways.

He investigates haunted mansions.

He even throws Mario Parties that utilize suggestive motions with the Wii remote during Mini-Games.

You know what I'm talking about. How come it's always the guys who win the "shake up the soda can" challenge?

Due to alleged Communist ties, some people have compared Mario to Joseph Stalin, another purveyor of moustache glory. Sorry, conspiracy theorists, but this allegation is absolutely false-- Stalin wasn't Italian!

Misinformation clearly results from propaganda by the Bowser Campaign. Haters gonna hate.

It is clear by the number of jobs that Mario is holding currently (driver, tennis player, Princess-rescuer, typing teacher) that he's scraping by on a barely-living wage. That is why as an intrepid working man, Mario has earned the title of the Labor Day Moustache of the Week!

As you can see, his moustache bends upwards, like the smile he always carries. Keep at it, good man... some day you will collect enough coins to retire in peace.

Game Over.