Monday, September 6, 2010

Monday Moustache

The fourth post in a recurring segment on moustaches.

Today's moustache-- Special Labor Day Edition-- dedicated to the Working Man:

(Super) Mario

Mario is a sweet, hard working plumber with plenty of talent but terrible luck. Most plumbers don't get sucked down the pipes that they work on; then again, most plumbers can't shoot fireballs after walking through a flower patch.

Whether side-scrolling in 2 dimensions, or jumping atop Goombas in 3-D, this guy keeps setting the bar (and leaping over it) for devoted boyfriends.

 Or maybe just for devotion to plumbing, as it's kind of unclear if he's really dating Peach or Daisy. In either case, he's swimming through caves filled with Blooper squids to do his job. And then jumping through volcanoes. His on-the-job-accident insurance must be backbreaking.

But let's not stop there, and give full credit where credit is due-- this guy does it all!

He dodges barrels that an ape (for some reason named Donkey) throws at him.

He speeds down Kart Highways.

He investigates haunted mansions.

He even throws Mario Parties that utilize suggestive motions with the Wii remote during Mini-Games.

You know what I'm talking about. How come it's always the guys who win the "shake up the soda can" challenge?

Due to alleged Communist ties, some people have compared Mario to Joseph Stalin, another purveyor of moustache glory. Sorry, conspiracy theorists, but this allegation is absolutely false-- Stalin wasn't Italian!

Misinformation clearly results from propaganda by the Bowser Campaign. Haters gonna hate.
It is clear by the number of jobs that Mario is holding currently (driver, tennis player, Princess-rescuer, typing teacher) that he's scraping by on a barely-living wage. That is why as an intrepid working man, Mario has earned the title of the Labor Day Moustache of the Week!

As you can see, his moustache bends upwards, like the smile he always carries. Keep at it, good man... some day you will collect enough coins to retire in peace.

Game Over.

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