Monday Moustache: I speak for the 'stache

The nineteenth post in a recurring segment on moustaches.


Today's moustache:

The Lorax


The Lorax is a Dr. Seuss creation and the eponymous hero of the book The Lorax. The Lorax speaks for the trees; in fact, most of what he says is:

"I am the Lorax! I speak for the trees!"

Right on message there, Lorax.


The Lorax, so busy speaking for the trees, decided to grow a moustache that speaks for itself.


Half walrus and half Furby, the Lorax was the sole founder of Greenpeace in 1971. The Lorax realized that his itty-bitty arms were too short to hug trees alone (and fully establish him as the world's leading tree-hugger), so he invented the human chain circle and recruited followers.


Facial hair is an informal requirement for joining Greenpeace; use of razors and shaving cream are technically prohibited as they have been known to threaten endangered moustaches.

Christmas came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes or bags!

The Lorax found himself at odds against the industrious Once-ler, who cut down the magical Truffula trees. The trees were used to create awesome pajama pants

Step 1: cut down trees

Step 2: Knit the treetops. Sure, whatever

Step 3: Wave your fashion statement in the Lorax's face

Sadly, no amount of fuzzy cuteness or tree-stump soapboxing could save the Truffula trees... and even the moustached Lorax failed to stop the Once-ler. With the last tree cut down, the Lorax left a contemplable message:

A young Al Gore makes a cameo in The Lorax

Of course, the fashion industry takes this message as "Unless we find some new Truffula trees, we're going to have to start designing more than just pajama pants". But then again, those are the people who set the price of a Coach purse. I'm not sure I trust the judgement that decided a bag is worth $800.

The awesome thing about the Lorax is that he only represents one side of the story by being the "voice for the trees." In fact, the Once-ler creates a booming economy, full of truck drivers and implicitly some crazy engineers that create tree-chopping machines. Completely ignoring the Lorax leads to over-logging; strictly abiding by his tree lobby will prevent the Once-ler from feeding the Once-ler kiddies. This forest needs Michael Bloomberg.

During this Chrismas season, the Lorax will forgive us for our Christmas trees. After all, he's not a Grinch. Although the Lorax suggests throwing the "bad banana with a greasy black peel" into your mulch pile, and nursing your seasick crocodile back to health.

Mulch Piles? Stink. Stank. Stunk.

Fashions may change, climates may shift, but one thing stays constant: The Lorax and his moustache are timeless. We will always remember its messages....

Unless.