Thursday, December 9, 2010

Upcoming WikiLeaks

The Third Strike is not making a statement on WikiLeaks and/or Julian Assange; that is what my Facebook wall is for (along with the accompanying onslaught of disagreement, hate mail, and leaking political opinions to my mother). However, since Third Strike is a factual & journalistic blog about important issues, it has been decided that we shall discuss likely government secrets that HAVE NOT, but will SOON be released to the public:

**some information has been redacted for being true**

1. The Stonecutters exist, and have been suppressing the metric system.... Stone does not cut well into metric intervals.
Who keeps Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps? We do! We do!

2. The Planet of the Apes WAS our planet, but it happened the past. The Statue of Liberty, after coming alive in Ghostbusters 2, jumped through a portal in time. She decided to nap on the beach while waiting for time to elapse to the present, and the tide slowly buried her with sand.
You can pry this Proton Pack from my cold, dead fingers.

3. Nickelback is trying to overthrow the world with bad song lyrics. We've all known that "secret" for years.

4. Dinosaur bones really were buried 3,000 years ago. Dinosaurs existed and were temporarily domesticated by man. Egyptian hieroglyphics were found years ago showing Ramses II riding a T-Rex before it died from Dino-pox. The Illuminati decided to hide the existence of remaining dinosaurs to keep all 8-year-old boys' dreams from coming true.

5. The moon landing was staged. After NASA realized that no man could tear themselves from a planetoid made of cheese, they filmed a fake landing in a Hollywood studio. The mice that were sent to space, however, safely landed and have thrived on the moon (despite severe cholesterol problems).

6. Giant Ants are planning to invade the Earth. They are coming from space and there is nothing that you can do about it.
Enjoy working in a sugar mine, slaves!


  1. I KNEW that my vision of one day riding a Apatosaur through downtown Pyongyang would one day become a reality.

    Now all I need is a mosquito preserved in amber...