Friday, January 21, 2011

Kindergarteners Consulting Congress for State of the Union Seating

According to recent reports by the Washington Post, the 2011 State of the Union Address may see bipartisan Congressional seating, as supported by a growing number of members.
"Obama, I thought there was supposed to be a Nacho Cart. YOU LIE!"
Former addresses have had seating by divided party lines, but a recently sensitive Congress has decided to make an attempt to"chill out." Congressional leaders have stated that "Congress is like college; there's usually no seating chart and members can sit in the back if they're hungover."
The Senate usually sits in a creepy "smile formation".
However, past meetings for the Joint Congress have suffered several problems; members who show up early often put their coats on empty seats to save spaces for more popular members, who usually show up ten minutes late. Now, the Third Strike is starting the rumor that Obama will be imposing a boy/girl seating chart to resolve this problem.

This seating strategy is most likely an elaborate prank by the President to force Barney Frank and Michelle Bachmann to sit together. Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a matchmaker...
President Obama no doubt believes that the two Congresspersons have unexplored chemistry. Kaboom...

Now, those readers who are good at math and politics might object that there are 96 women in Congress and 439 men, making a boy/girl seating chart impossible. However, GOP leaderships previously has announced that "all Democrats are little girls", to which Democratic leadership responded "Republicans are dicks!" When considering that redistricting, the numbers should add up, evenly splitting members by gender.

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