Old Navy Videos Lead to Firing & Fashion

Who doesn't hate Old Navy commercials?


Repeatedly playing the old "performance fleece" song has been declared to be cruel and unusual punishment by the Supreme Court in the case of Sanity vs. Television Jingles. Playing them in an Iraqi prison could probably cause a worldwide scandal. Too soon...

A typical Old Navy advertisement

Congress has gone so far as to legislate that commercials can't get too loud due to the psychotic episodes that louder Old Navy commercials have been scientifically proven to cause when played at high decibels. "When I blacked out, everything went dark blue. Then when I woke up there were mannequin limbs all over my apartment."


Recently a commander of U.S. Fleet Forces Command lost his position for making inappropriate videos aboard an aircraft carrier in 2006 and 2007. Old Navy is currently seeking his obnoxious video-creation services for their new advertisement campaign.


The goal of these videos (when aboard the seacraft) was to boost morale. Reportedly, several complaints were made about the videos due to their sexual and homophobic content. The captain continued to produce the videos to drill morale into the sailors heads regardless of their objections. Clearly Captain Owen Honors is extremely well qualified to move from the second in command aboard a military vessel to a full-time advertiser... From Navy to Old Navy.

I would love to write the pilot for Army Guys for the Straight Eye

Granted, moving from the military to the fashion industry might be a big leap; especially if the commander isn't fond of homosexuality. There aren't any shows called Army Eye for the Straight Guy. Just Army Guys... the action figures. And there too is the matter of whether the military acted appropriately; what role should a commander have in motivating his troops? And where does freedom of speech end, and public service begin?

But thinking about that would require thinking And for stories like this, it's best not to do that.



**Try not to think of the Performance Fleece song. Just try.**