Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Whale That Ate Jaws

My entire world is completely shaken.

People (nerds with too much time on their hands) often argue over who will win in a fight: a shark or a crocodile?
Move over, Alien vs. Predator
This is always a great argument, partly because it's almost impossible to think of a scenario where it could possibly occur. Unless the world's mad scientists start pulling their weight.

Nevertheless, the point is that we like to see nature's badasses battle it out. That's why the Romans watched Russel Crowe fight Ben Hur.

But we've been making a mistake; the question we SHOULD have been asking  is... who will win in a different fight: a Killer Whale or a Great White Shark?
Timmy will learn to swim faster after looking down

Not only is this plausible.... but we HAVE AN ANSWER!!!
Anyone making bets should consider an important formula:
Jaws > Free Willy

That's straight-up math... and that is infallible. OR IS IT? Now taking bets....
Taking bets...
No more bets, please...

It turns out that Willy is the Rocky Balboa of the seas, and will go the distance (and then some) by taking out a Great White!!!!


Pay up. You know you picked Jaws.

What an underdog. Those Great Whites must have been getting too hungry from dreaming all day about eating delicious humans. Orcas used to eat penguins and seals, but started feeling guilty after watching Happy Feet. So now a cluster of Killer Whales have taught each other how to disarm (and then dismember) SHARKS.

On top of the (easy) victory by the Killer Whale, the 100+ other sharks in the area apparently got the hell-out-of-Dodge after the whale attack... implying that they are cowardly bullies.

Screw Shark Week. I'm starting to be terrified of whales. Let's hope they don't figure out how to escape the confines of the ocean.
Oh Dear God, NO!!!

**special thanks to Kelly Whitton, for inspiring/contributing to the bulk of this post**

1 comment:

  1. There's a video on the Discovery Channel of some scientists rendering a fight between a salt water crocodile and a white shark. My kids love it.