Wednesday, November 3, 2010

House of Representatives for the Human Race (Part 2)

The results are in from yesterday's Election Day, and there are no major surprises: the Democrats hung onto the Senate, the Republicans took over the House, and the Wookies maintained dominance over their secret shadow government that rules us all.

Several Supreme Court members disguise themselves as humans with black robes and judicious demeanors.

Shadow governments aside, the People of Earth still need representation. To have a functional deliberative legislative body, the great heroes chosen yesterday make up only a small part of what is needed to represent the worlds great diversity.

Continuing yesterday's list of qualified members of the House of Representatives for the Human Race:

Cookie Monster
Cholesterol starts with C!
It's important to have passion on any team, and if Humanity is to be enfranchised we need someone to advocate our Id. Cookie Monster represents the hungry, slightly crazy blue furball in each of us. And c'mon, he has googley eyes.

Al Pacino

Why hasn't America gotten into a third World War? Simple. We have nuclear weapons, and we know that such a war would end with life-ending atomic explosions.

The same logic makes Al Pacino a benefit to the team. No disagreement amongst the House of Human Representatives will ever turn into a shouting match with him on board. Who can yell out arguments louder than Pacino? His lungs are like bagpipes!


Why Oprah? Because she's Oprah, and everyone loves her. Duh. Plus, she might give everyone a free car.

Lady Gaga
If this group of heroes has the mission of making alien beings feel more comfortable, then Lady Gaga will be an asset. There's a large chance she has an outfit that matches whatever the aliens happen to be wearing. Also, it's always good to have a poker face at the negotiation table.

Conan O'Brien
Conan O'Brien has lots of tools at his disposal that make him valuable. They include:
1. A lever that plays Walker, Texas Ranger clips
2. Triumph, the insult comic dog
3. Ghostly complexion and awesomely goofy hair
4. The ability to make any situation awkward.

There they are: the emergency-response team for any global crisis! The combined abilities of these individuals  will allow them to accomplish anything!  Just make sure the Wookies give permission first.

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