|Ned is excited to be on Third Strike|
Ned Flanders is America's favorite neighborino. He is an eternally patient man who graciously puts up with the antics of his next-door neighbors, the Simpsons.
What's more, Ned gave the moustache a nickname in an early season: he calls it his "nose neighbor". Homer once asked him to shave it because it was making him look "suspicious"... but only because Ned had the audacity to ask Homer to stop swearing in front of his children. Frankly, Ned's most suspicious characteristic is his constant mix of a green sweater and pink collared shirt. A moustache has nothing on an unshakable grip on style.
Ned has had more bad luck than a typical cartoon character (sans Wile E. Coyote, whose luck is "absolute zero" on the Lucky Charms Scale). Ned's time on The Simpsons has seen a house blown down in a hurricane, a wife dying in a tragic T-shirt cannon accident, and a new business gone near-bankrupt. Nevertheless he faces his problems with a smile... and anger-suppressing pseduo-words. Like "diddly".
What keeps his smile protected? His moustache. It's like a soft, hairy smile helmet. Those whiskers are a Springfield Institution, and even the likes of Mr. Burns has to envy Ned's "moustache fortitude". Moustachitude?
The more time writing, the harder it is to get Ned and his moustache out of my mind. I now have the strong desire to greet strangers with a hug, a smile, and a howdily-doodily. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, we all learn from Flanders to be thankful that things are pretty much... okily-dokily.
Don't mind the stranger groping you at the airport, it's just the TSA. Wait, he doesn't work here?
...Stupid Sexy Flanders.