Monday Moustache: Macho, Macho Moustaches

The twenty-fifth post in a recurring segment on moustaches.

Today's moustache:

Image from Amazon.com; mustaches not for sale.

The Village People

Tragically, The Village People do not believe in allowing blogs to embed their amazing "YMCA" video. See it here on Youtube for the full Monday goodness.

The Village People is a disco group that combined their prowess at the Spelling Bee with home remedies  for Saturday Night Fever. They bring the funk, the noise, and the mustaches. And they gave us some of the best dance songs ever.

As you can see from their picture, the Village people was meant to show a diverse group of men: one of them does NOT have a moustache! Oh, yes, he's also an Indian Chief.


Like NSYNC, the Backstreet Boys, and all other boy bands, teenage girls flocked hopelessly to Village People shows to see them perform. Seriously... hopeless! Teenage girls, were barking up the wrong tree. But that was true for Lance Bass too. Teenage girls haven't changed that much.


That's probably not fair: it probably wasn't just the teenage girls chasing after the village people. Frankenstein usually gets chased BY The Village People... poor monster can't hang out with all the boys or do whatever he feels

Disco was popular with EVERYBODY. Especially the macho, macho men.

I've got to be a macho man.

100 Posts!

Today marks Third Strike's one-hundredth post since inception. Inception, as in the beginning. I'm not sure how many posts have been written since the film.


Let the celebration commence!

This note is legal tender in Uzbekistan, Latveria, and participating Chuck E. Cheeses'

As a reward to faithful readers, Third Strike has negotiated with the Federal Reserve to create new, collectible $100 bills that mark this tremendous and important milestone.

 Readers can receive "Moustached Benjamin's" by mailing Third Strike a 100 dollar bill. We will then ship collectable $100 bills to you (valued at around $100.001 and expected to keep gaining value!)

Note: due to customer demand, it is possible that there will not be enough "Moustached Benjamins" in supply; As a result, mailers may receive a "Moustached Lincoln", "Moustached Washington", or "Hamilton with Bunny Ears". I am told by our resident team of economists that all of these bills are  highly valued, although market forces may affect the resale price.

Aside from incredible collectibles, Third Strike would like to see the NEXT 100 posts entertain readers with just as many explosions, car chases, and exciting adventures as the first!

We have a few ideas as to how we're going to celebrate the next step, but we want reader input! How should Third Strike's centennial celebration?

1. Centurion Power Hour: 100 shots of beer in 100 minutes. We will film the resulting debauchery/hospital visit and try to convince Amy Winehouse to make a guest post.

2. Winter Wackiness: Naked snow angels. Snowmen with mustaches. Spelling "Third Strike" in the snow with...
3. Charlie Splinter, Columnist: Charlie Splinter is interviewed on current events, such as  the situation in Tunisia and Lactose-Free Milk Bones.
4. 30 Days in Beck: I try to watch 30 days of the Glenn Beck program on TV without losing my mind. Blogging & insanity will follow.
5. Charity: We do something good, for... somebody. As long as we get to be crazy.

If you'd like to share any other ideas you would like to see on Third Strike, email us at theThirdStrikeblog@gmail.com, and keep reading!

Guest Post on Fantasy Casting: The Matrix Rebooted

Today, Third Strike is featured on Gina's Fantasy Casting blog! Fantasy Casting is "a one-stop shop to discuss and dream about casting the impossible casts in hypothetical movies."

Recently I dreamed  up a way to end what is becoming a cliche for film franchises: the reboot. I also decided it would be hilarious in itself to create a reboot with self-acknowledgement (and I have decided to call "meta-irony") by filming... The Matrix Rebooted.

Poster altered by Third Strike!

Check out Fantasy Casting to see how we "cast" it in the worst way possible. And keep following Gina's blog. It's a great blog!

Monday Moustache: Keep on Trebeking

The twenty-fourth post in a recurring segment on moustaches.

Today's moustache:

Alex Trebek

Yes... Third Strike has already given Trebek his due. Last week we looked at his role in enslaving the human race and alluded to his 'stache, which he he shaved in 2001.

But now it's time for DOUBLE JEOPARDY, where the game can really change.

It's been a long time since we've seen Alex's mustache. I'm dropping the o in moustache, by the way, because it drives Blogger's Spell Check crazy.

Many people may be more familiar with Trebek's bushy goodness in SNL parodies with Will Ferrel:

Kindergarteners Consulting Congress for State of the Union Seating

According to recent reports by the Washington Post, the 2011 State of the Union Address may see bipartisan Congressional seating, as supported by a growing number of members.

"Obama, I thought there was supposed to be a Nacho Cart. YOU LIE!"

Former addresses have had seating by divided party lines, but a recently sensitive Congress has decided to make an attempt to"chill out." Congressional leaders have stated that "Congress is like college; there's usually no seating chart and members can sit in the back if they're hungover."

The Senate usually sits in a creepy "smile formation".

However, past meetings for the Joint Congress have suffered several problems; members who show up early often put their coats on empty seats to save spaces for more popular members, who usually show up ten minutes late. Now, the Third Strike is starting the rumor that Obama will be imposing a boy/girl seating chart to resolve this problem.

This seating strategy is most likely an elaborate prank by the President to force Barney Frank and Michelle Bachmann to sit together. Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a matchmaker...
President Obama no doubt believes that the two Congresspersons have unexplored chemistry. Kaboom...

Now, those readers who are good at math and politics might object that there are 96 women in Congress and 439 men, making a boy/girl seating chart impossible. However, GOP leaderships previously has announced that "all Democrats are little girls", to which Democratic leadership responded "Republicans are dicks!" When considering that redistricting, the numbers should add up, evenly splitting members by gender.

Bane & Catwoman Cast for The Dark Knight Rises

So, it sounds like The Dark Knight might be Rising with a back brace.

"The Man Who Broke the Bat" has been confirmed to be a villain for Christopher Nolan's third Batman film!

Much earlier, reports came out that Tom Hardy (Inception) was cast to be in the film. Now, Comic Book Resources is reporting that his role will be Bane.

Bane broke the Batman's back in the Knightfall saga, and has been a regular character in video games and animation. In the comics, Batman was a versatile adversary who created a gauntlet to exhaust the Bat. In later adaptations (animation and video games) focus has centered on his use of Venom, vastly increasing his original strength and size. Nolan typically has been known to use "real" versions of characters, so it is likely we will see a Bane who resembles his original form (although what villains he will use in his gauntlet, and how the story will end is a much bigger question).

Anne Hathaway will be playing Selina Kyle, better known as Catwoman. Whether she will act as a villain or dress in skin-tight leather has yet to be reported.

Nerds across the country are jumping up and down with anticipation. Me especially.

Arnold Schwarzenegger would like to make it known that he is available to reprise his role as Mister Freeze. He even has some new puns!

Bane will be a cooler villain

Why No Tosh.0?

Right now, people who watch Comedy Central tend to like Tosh.0.

And I get it. He's a very talented comedian. They said the same about Gallagher...


But hear me out: I have a case against Daniel Tosh's comedy that keeps me from continuing to find him funny, or watching his show. And I think it's worth consideration.

Tosh.0 gets its comedy from using the Internet to find Youtube videos of people doing stupid and/or embarrassing things. If you haven't seen the show, think America's Funniest Home Videos but with a host who makes Lisa Lampnelli look like Paula Abdul. He is the Simon Cowell of people who have friends that loaded embarrassing videos on the Web.


And I have no reservation making fun of him for reasons below.


I find roasts to be hilarious. The Comedy Central series of roasts that have aired have featured some hilarious roastees: Flava Flave, Hugh Heffner, Pam Anderson, Bob Sagat. These are people who are institutionally hilarious to even mention in a joke, let alone center a night around. And these roasts have biting jokes that often push the boundaries of comedy.

But at the end of each roast, condolences are typically given to the roastee. Everyone has their chance at rebuttals. Most everyone is drunk and laughing. Occasionally Courtney Love drunkenly slurs that she's been sober for five years. And the roastee gets his due at the end of the show to dish out some punishment and his/her roasters.

Very few of Daniel Tosh's targets enjoy the same good-natured spirit. In fact, he's often unapologetically mean, even deriding his audience (who relish the attention) both online via Twitter and in his own audience. These aren't celebrities, or the wannabe celebrities that they make fun of on The Soup. Those people get the exposure and attention that they were seeking to begin with. These are random people whose stupid antics are being exploited by a guy who is pleasantly removed from any ill effects his insults might have.

Comedy is hard. But it's a lot easier to be mean & funny than it is to be nice & funny.

We should expect more from our comedy. More zing than sting.

Phanerozoic Park

Sheep aren't so woolly after all

It's happening! Scientists are working towards cloning a wooly mammoth! Within the next four years, we may see the first cloning of an extinct beast.

Scientists have not yet confirmed that the mammoth will have the voice of Ray Romano.

Squirrels, on the other hand, have managed to survive the years without cloning.... perhaps they are smarter than we think.

That animal looks...nuts

Ophiuchus, What the F?

Zodiac signs let us know who we are; I don't do a lick of work if my horoscope says I'm lazy that day. It only makes sense that the month in which we were born (along with millions of other human beings) has cosmic influence on our every-day lives. That's just obvious.

Some scientific astrologers from Minnesota have decided that due to shifts in Earth's gravity, the fates have reevaluated how to screw with us. Those born between November 29th and December 17th now have to learn how the hell to spell O-P-H-I-U-C-H-U-S.

It doesn't stop there; the rest of us are getting horiscopicaly pushed around. I was a Leo, but now supposedly I'm a Cancer?

Nobody likes finding out they've got crabs now.

Monday Moustache: I Have a Dream

The twenty-third post in a recurring segment on moustaches.

Today's moustache:

Martin Luther King, Jr.

I mean, today is his holiday. How could I not honor the guy?

For the first time, a Monday almost came and went without a mustache in mind. Lucky for me, I realized that the reason I'm not at work today is because of a holiday celebrating the man who fought for a world where a man is not judged by the color of his skin, but by the content of his facial hair. Err... character.

Martin Luther King Jr. unfortunately does not lend himself too easily to jokes. I have a dream of....

...hmmm...

Maybe I'll just see to it next week.

Alex Trebek and the Apocalypse

Answer: a member of Mensa, this trivia guru hosts a quiz show and will be involved with the Apocalypse.

Question: Who is Alex Trebek?

Trebek, before the Great Schism in which he shaved his 'stache.

Trebek has brought the world close to disaster before; after shaving his mustache in 2001, the four horsemen of the apocalypse took note of this unnatural phenomenon, mounted their steeds, and began riding to Earth. Luckily, Pestilence checked his calendar and realized that the world was not actually supposed to end until 2012.

Now, Trebek is hosting a showdown for man vs. technology, with IBM's Watson. Watson is a Jeopardy playing computer that makes Deep Blue look like Deep Purple. Smoke on the Water is also a sign of the Apocalypse.

Deep Purple, a popular chess team

Watson is expected to defeat champions Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter, who are humanities best adept trivia masters in categories like Potent Potables. Another war of the nerds.

See for yourself!

If computers are taking over our game shows, it won't be long before they send robot Arnold Schwarzeneggers to the past to destroy humanity... and turn us into human batteries. Just like the Mayans predicted.

DC Universe Online!

Move over, World of Warcraft, there is a new MMRPG in town. DC Universe Online is in stores and online now!

Fight crime with Superman from your parent's basement!

Oh yes, also please move over, City of Heroes. And all the other video games are out there that I don't know about.

MMRPG, for those of us with lives, is the acronym for a massive-multiplayer-role-playing game. In these games, a player controls a character/avatar within an entire "universe" of other interactive live players, not just the usual 2-4 players that connect with each other. In these games, the character has an inventory and statistics. My avatar is a Level 5 Virgin!


WARNING: There is an inverse relationship between time spent playing MMRPG's and Sex Appeal. Play at your own risk


Where Was I? Oh, that's right. Revealing embarrassing secrets about myself.

For an undisclosed amount of time last night, I was getting "pwned"  by a bunch of MMRPG All-Stars who know how to play these games. Being a DC Comics fan, I jumped right in with my "newb" boots on, never allowing myself to be a "noob".

Wait, what the hell did I just say?

Gamers have their own vocabulary that has developed into a lexicon of its own. But have no fear! Third Strike will provide:

The Gamer-English Dictionary


1. MMRPG:
n. That thing I described earlier. Did you skip straight to the first list you saw? That's so lazy!

2. PWNED
v. To "own" an opponent. "P" is the new "O". That might not catch on, but I'm Pptimistic. In other words, you have decimated, annihilated, or embarrassed your opponent with your mighty clicking and using hot-keys.


3. NEWB
n. Someone new to gaming (or to a new game). This term is not really an insult, it basically amounts to calling your son "sport".

4. Noob
n. Apparently, the worst insult in the universe, meant for obnoxious gamers who spell poorly and use 3 or more LOL's per sentence. These people do exist.

That's actually all I know. 

Oh, and as for how the game compares to other games?

Um, I don't know. All I know is that I firmly believe it would more embarrassing to be caught playing an MMRPG than to be caught watching pornography.

DCUO is no Batman: Arkham Asylum (actually an incredible one player game... not embarrassing) but there are other people playing it who know what they're doing much more than me. And there are a ton of characters that come off the page into this digital universe.

What's that? I just wrote a blog about playing an MMRPG?


Oh no. I just Pwned myself!

Third Strike Wants to Answer Your Emails!

In the interest of engaging with the blogging and blog-reading community, Third Strike would like to answer emails! We have been dishing out plenty of advise on surviving zombie apocalypses, infiltrating book clubs, and of course, growing a mustache. But the rolling stone gathers no moss, so it's time to freshen things up!

Send your emails to TheThirdStrikeBlog@gmail.com and we will respond to you! We will provide wisdom & advice, solve your mysteries, make your decisions, make jokes, or respond to you with rambling nonsense. Don't hesitate!

Monday Moustache: Accept No Substitutes

The twenty-second post in a recurring segment on moustaches.

Today's moustache:

Mark Twain

This week, reports came out that a new publication of Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer will be replacing the "n-word" with the word "slave" so as to not offend readers.

Making this change is controversial! Mark Twain wrote that:

"The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter." 

 Mark Twain did everything with precise intent... especially growing that mustache. It would be criminal to censor his mustache just because of envy. The revision offends the eyes: brace yourself!

In the 1950s, all facial hair was censored from historical record

Even Mark Twain's name was precisely chosen since he was born "Samuel Langhorne Clemens". His works are variably restricted in high schools where the "n-word" dominates the controversy. In the other high schools, students feign offense in order to excuse themselves from reading quizzes.

Senseless

Third Strike enjoys describing "how crazy" we are: making off the wall jokes, non sequitur comments, and unexpected references.

The approach is intended to entertain, amuse, and serve as a positive outlet for the off-the-wall thoughts that we have. And while posts may attack fictional characters, tease celebrities, or mock news events, they are meant to be in good fun.

The events that occurred in Tuscon, Arizona were truly senseless; whatever destructive seeds that germinated in the shooter's mind led to a foolish, indefensible act. The terrible assault echoes other equally stupid and pointless events, such as those at Virginia Tech, Columbine, and the attack at the Holocaust Museum. These were shameful, random, cowardly, and pathetic: it takes no courage to arm oneself with guns and attack unexpecting, unarmed, innocent people.

Out of the darkness of this event, there emerges a true miracle of modern medicine: Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords has survived a shot to the head, and is fighting for her life. Doctors and surgeons are hard at work to facilitate her medical stabilization. I hope that everyone's thoughts and prayers are with her, and for the others whom were so sadly taken from us and their families.

This is a humor blog, and I must apologize for dwelling on a sad subject. But for just one post, it seems like a worthwhile endeavor to write about this (if for nothing else to help me).

I hope that we can take two lessons from this weekend.

First off: we should be try to remember that our words are powerful. The media, over next several months, will no doubt review the sad ironies of Sarah Palin's "gun crosshairs" on the political map targeting Giffords, and her "Don't Retreat, Reload" comment. I do not accept the notion that she is responsible for this incident, and news reports paint the picture that the shooter was completely unbalanced and politically naive.

But ultimately, blame is irrelevant. If Sarah or anyone has used violent political imagery and doesn't regret doing so, I hope they will reconsider; if nothing else, consider the sad ironies and misconceptions that come from using inflammatory language. Even in sports, war references get frequently used; these insult both the sacrifice of those going to war and the remarkable beauty of a society that can have friendly rivalries between peaceful opponents.

Second: if you know anyone who is in obvious need of mental health evaluation, I suggest making that known, helping them seek it, and in cases where they are turning violent, alerting the authorities. We can all do our part to try and avoid having more weekends like this one.

Let's keep insanity trapped in the world of silly, peaceful blogs.

The 4 Loko Road Warrior

Warning: If you have not seen the movie Mad Max or The Road Warrior, some of this may make little sense. Continue reading at your peril!

At the inception of this blog, I wrote a review on the pros and cons of different energy drinks; Sadly, that entry predated my awareness of a new caffeinated powerhouse: 4 Loko.

4 Loko is so stimulating that it has been killing people; the mix of alcohol and caffeine has led to bad decisions at college campuses nationwide. Side effects include drunken insomnia, incomprehensible slurring, and texting ex-boyfriends/girlfriends.

Now that it has been made illegal in New York, Washington, and a handful of other states, the question arose of what to do with all that 4 Loko left over. It seems... loco to simply pour it all out, right?

Never fear, Virginia is here!

MXI Environmental Services in Virginia is importing 4 Loko to turn into ethanol! That's right: the illegal drink will be going straight into your gas tank. Be sure to close your gas cap after filling up, or you may be cited for an open container.

The linked article states:

"Brian Potter, vice president of operations at MXI's facility in Abingdon, Va., said about a couple of hundred truckloads of the drinks would be coming to the plant. Each truck holds 2,000 cases of the 23.5-ounce cans." -ZINIE CHEN SAMPSON (AP)

That means that hundreds of trucks will be driving into Virginia carrying an increasingly rare substance.

Clearly, Virginia (and adjacent states)  will soon see rogue fraternities taking to the highways to raid the convoys! The scene will go as follows:

Destination: BFE, Virginia

The trucks will drive for several hours into rural areas of Virginia to reach the destination of Abingdon, VA. That area is far southwest of things like Virginia Tech, UVA, JMU, electricity, running water, civilization, and convenience stores secretly continuing to sell 4 Loko.

Slowly the convoys of trucks roll steadily up the hills of western Virginia, reaching the top of the highest nearby hill. Suddenly, a horde of motorcycles, Ford F150s, Jeeps and an old silver-plum Saturn will appear from all directions, wearing an odd assortment of popped polo shirts and confederate flag baseball hats. Here the carjackings will begin: the Greeks will attack with bottles, kegs (thrown like Donkey Kong), and Rainbow sandals.

Eventually the convoy will forcibly veer of the highway to the local highway fortress, hopefully to close the gate just in time to ward off unwanted attackers. From there, the scene can only go like this:



Replace the words "gas" with "4 Loko", and there you have it.

For good measure, enjoy the South Park version of events:

Wikipedia Case Study: Jon Stewart, Batman, and the Battle of Nerds

Last night on The Daily Show, Jon Stewart admit to Wikipedia Founder Jimmy Wales that he is, in fact, Batman.

True Comic Book fans know this is nonsense; the Ragman is the REAL Jewish superhero stalking the steets of Gotham City at night.

"What a nerd."

Of course, this was all meant to raise the ongoing question of Wikipedia's accuracy; Jon Stewart was really posing the question: "How quickly and for how long will my article be 'updated' on Wikipedia after the Daily Show airs me saying that I'm Batman?"

Seeing as I was at my computer, I decided to investigate for myself.

Back in the Civil War, people would occasionally picnic near a battlefield to watch the spectacle of war. Morbid, but that's what happens when there's no TV.

I decided to have a modern picnic and click "refresh" repeatedly on Jon's page, watching the Battle of the Nerds play out!

On one side: those fighting to keep Wikipedia's factual integrity.

On the other side: People saying that Jon Stewart is not Batman. errr... yes...

It was truly nerd vs. brother nerd.

Now, YOU can watch the Wiki-Battle in real time too! On 1/25/2011, it all went like this....

11:24 PM

Jon Stewart jokes that he is Batman. Third Strike navigates to his Wikipedia page within seconds.

11:26 PM

Jon Stewart is Batman in both his picture and the first paragraph of his article.

11:28 PM

Jon Stewart is no longer Gotham City's Dark Knight anywhere on the Wiki page.

11:29 PM

Jon Stewart is" not to be confused with Batman".

11:29 PM

Jon Stewart is not... not to be confused with Batman; he IS Batman again.

11:32 PM

Jon Stewart's Wikipedia page is locked due to vandalism.

SO, in conclusion: the War of the Nerds ended in a quick eight minutes.

In under ten minutes, truth prevails. Yes... unless the truth is that Jon Stewart IS Batman.

Secondary findings: I am not the only person who needs a life.

But as I say... better to be watching the war from a picnic than to be fighting in it.

Charlie Splinter: Master of the Universe

Amanda has a brand-new puppy dog...Charlie Massa Splinter! So it's time to show him off on Third Strike.

No jokes, really; every once in a while it's just healthy to look at some puppy pictures.

Hello, camera!

Charlie does "Blue Steel" from Zoolander. He's still working on "Magnum"

Wearing a pink polo shirt... Get in line, ladies.

And then in Argyle. Charlie is one preppy puppy.

Old Navy Videos Lead to Firing & Fashion

Who doesn't hate Old Navy commercials?


Repeatedly playing the old "performance fleece" song has been declared to be cruel and unusual punishment by the Supreme Court in the case of Sanity vs. Television Jingles. Playing them in an Iraqi prison could probably cause a worldwide scandal. Too soon...

A typical Old Navy advertisement

Congress has gone so far as to legislate that commercials can't get too loud due to the psychotic episodes that louder Old Navy commercials have been scientifically proven to cause when played at high decibels. "When I blacked out, everything went dark blue. Then when I woke up there were mannequin limbs all over my apartment."


Recently a commander of U.S. Fleet Forces Command lost his position for making inappropriate videos aboard an aircraft carrier in 2006 and 2007. Old Navy is currently seeking his obnoxious video-creation services for their new advertisement campaign.


The goal of these videos (when aboard the seacraft) was to boost morale. Reportedly, several complaints were made about the videos due to their sexual and homophobic content. The captain continued to produce the videos to drill morale into the sailors heads regardless of their objections. Clearly Captain Owen Honors is extremely well qualified to move from the second in command aboard a military vessel to a full-time advertiser... From Navy to Old Navy.

I would love to write the pilot for Army Guys for the Straight Eye

Granted, moving from the military to the fashion industry might be a big leap; especially if the commander isn't fond of homosexuality. There aren't any shows called Army Eye for the Straight Guy. Just Army Guys... the action figures. And there too is the matter of whether the military acted appropriately; what role should a commander have in motivating his troops? And where does freedom of speech end, and public service begin?

But thinking about that would require thinking And for stories like this, it's best not to do that.



**Try not to think of the Performance Fleece song. Just try.**

New Years Resolutions

Staying on the timely/topical streak that Third Strike has been riding, it's time to decide what New Years resolutions we should take up in 2011.

The first day of the year is a commonly approved time to begin gym memberships, eat better, be nicer to people, and stop living in New Jersey. So how are we going to improve ourselves?

1. Grow Justin Bieber Haircut.

Justin is the rage these days, following the legacy of a long line of famous Justin's: Justin Timberlake, Justin Long (the Apple guy). Actually, that's about it.

Anyways, to reach a level of Bieber popularity, Third Strike needs to chase the popular trend.

2. Stop Making Twilight and Jersey Shore jokes.


Some subjects are so easy that we can't help but make fun of them. The Third Strike is particularly guilty of retreating to these "safe" topics for easy comedy. But comedy should be edgy, fresh, and smell nothing like tanning lotion or undead hair product.

Maybe we could turn the Jersey Shore kids into vampires; then when they all go tanning, they will erupt into flames. No... wait... they'll just sparkle. Damn. Well, we can skip it all and just stake them in the heart.


Whoops. Looks like we broke that resolution already. Oh well.

3. Contribute to Society


For all the moaning that Third Strike does about oncoming Zombie plagues, meteorites, and James Cameron films, we haven't really helped our fellow man all that much. The Third Strike should probably put blogging to good use at some point, and use humor to create awareness to some sort of cause (on the side).


Workman's Comp for Injured Stormtroopers?


We're working on it. Suggestions are welcome.

Myself, Age 10

4. Increase Blog Content


ELEVEN posts in December? What the hell were we doing? WORKING? OUR JOBS??? UNACCEPTABLE!!!!


5. Capture a Snipe


My dad tasked me with finding a snipe when I was ten years old. I'm still on the prowl. Pixar has told me that they reside in South America...

6. Try to live up to the writing standards of one of Third Strike's major influences: Mr. Dave Barry.




Happy New Year!

Monday Moustache: Happy New Year!

The twenty-first post in a recurring segment on moustaches.



Today's moustache:

Super Troopers


At long last, it's finally happened: a plurality of moustaches featured in a single Monday. What better way to ring in 2011 than with some highway authority?


Super Troopers is a 2001 film that shows the lighter side of the police-- a nice break from intense films like Training Day, Lethal Weapon, and Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol. Mark of a serious police film: a cast including David Spade.


For those who haven't seen the film, I recommend making a New Year's resolution to see it immediately.


Right now.


Why are you still reading? It's okay. We'll wait here.


....
....
...
It will now be assumed that everyone has seen the film, and spoilers will be of no consequence.


Authority can be mishandled, and I'm no fan of it. However, I do advocate meowing at strangers whenever possible. Therefore this movie has conflicting values. The cast/creators are known for their deep philosophical musings in other films, such as Beerfest.


The film pits a local police force against the titular highway patrol troopers, in a battle of wits over an drug-smuggling operation that inexplicably links to an animated Taliban monkey.


As policemen are famous for wearing their moustaches proudly (an important part of serving and protecting) both the heroes and villains of this story wear them; this makes the film much more difficult to follow than Inception, which has no moustaches at all.


The best way to watch the film, of course, must be to eat an entire bag of illegal drugs* as done in the first scene of the movie. This also is probably the very best way to watch Inception.


*Third Strike does not recommend explaining to local police OR highway patrolmen that Super Troopers inspired you to take drugs following arrest. But your attorney might think it's worth a shot. Oh yeah, don't do drugs. Third Strike is not a role model!

Police ARE known to be roll models, and they take that responsibility as seriously in this film as they take everything else. Hence the moustaches, drunk driving, and pranks on rookies.


So put on your bullet proof cup, blast your German techno, and bring 2011 in the Super Troopers way: put some soap in your coffee.


Meow.