Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Art of Trolling

Walk into a public restroom and check any individual stall. For years, you knew you would find some of the most breathtaking contemporary shock-poetry you'd ever laid eyes on.

And that's still the case. But then came the Internet.
Now you don't have to wait for a bathroom break!

Check the comments section of a popular Youtube video. Maybe something innocent. Let's say... the JK Wedding Dance. That is the beautiful video of a bridal party dancing down the aisle to Chris Brown's "Forever".

It sounds like this guy was legitimately pissed at the ending of Footloose, when Kevin Bacon got all those damned kids to bop with him. I'm pretty sure John Lithgow was supposed to be the antagonist of the story, but hey... what do I know.

Still, that's tame compared to some of the more controversial issues out here, regardless of the platform. Check out comments on the Washington Post comments section.

In case you were wondering who is still reading the newspaper (and then commenting on it), it probably isn't a bunch elitists in top hats. Some of these responses sound like they are coming from a guy sitting on his porch rocking-chair holding a shotgun and a bottle of Jack Daniels. All arguments contrary to his beliefs are going to fall on deaf ears... but that isn't really the point. The point is to get attention the old fashion way-- by keeping civility out of the Internet like a Texan militia fighting off immigrants.

There are at least 6 million polite comments still residing in the Internet today.

The gift of anonymity grants people the courage to write things in comments sections or in bathroom stalls that they would never have the courage to write in person. The accessability of that kind of forum is clearly irresistable.

Harry Potter, get off the Internet and do your homework.
Writing a comment/post that is inflamatory and clearly seeking nothing but attention is commonly known as "trolling", or being a "troll".

Trolling has been around since the mid-90's, and has no signs of going away. Sites like 4-chan allow people to release their inner id and continue playing for shock value.
People want attention, and hell, who cares what the cost is. So what makes a good troll? Here are some tips to guide your transition into a mutliation of what used to be a human being:
1. Forget courtesy
Courtesy is for human beings. You are a troll now. You live under a bridge and eat the rodents unlucky enough to wander into your lair.
2. No one is off limits
Fred Phelps has been trolling America for years-- and doesn't even hide behind the veil of anonymity. In fact, he has declared several times that he is King of the Trolls, and vaguely cites the section of the Bible that says so. Ironically, God Hates Trolls.
So to match his success, consider yourself the Fred Phelps of the Internet. Fred Phelps is already on the Internet? Well then fine, God Hates Fred Phelps.
3. Take no notice of irony, logical fallacies, or factual errors
Those are just liberal inventions

4. Take offense to absolutely everything
Someone might notice the irony that you, constantly dropping racial epithets, are so offended by the most innocent article or video. That person is a Nazi Communist.
5. If you make a typo, you're just spelling words the way Jesus would
Maybe Jesus didn't speak English, but maybe "speaking in tongues" is actually just speaking in online English. Try and refudiate that!

Comments are welcome.

No comments:

Post a Comment